Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Chat Register 2

me: lol love ur gtalk status msg
[DeeSee's Gtalk Status:

Slowly Robbing Kalkals when no one is Looking !

Dennis: its true
me: hahahahahahaha
Dennis: the bloddy thing is hidden !
can u believe it ! HIDDEN
me: i can picture u doin it also
Dennis: cause there is a fear that it will get over before christmas
me: with u around i'm not surprised at all!!!
wow what a laugh early morning

Dennis: yeah, and i think my mum is also not surprised
hence the hiding
me: :D
Dennis: but if she wanted to hide, atleast she should have put some more thought into the hiding palce
it was sooooo easy to find.
me: lol why she hid it behind the pickles? lol
Dennis: arrey... hid it in the drawer where all the biscuits and all are kept.
me: wait on the top most shelf and totally forgot u 7 feet 9 inches tall
Dennis: She should have realised that when i didnt see the sweets, i would go to eat biscuits...
me: lol
Dennis: and so i did... and when i went for biscuits... VOILA.....
me: hahahahahaah
cant laugh
anymore man
even i want kalkals
Dennis: hahaha

when was rohans wedding btw ?
me: think shaun is not getting his share this year
oh 27th
Dennis: oh ok... think steve's is next day
me: u be coming?
ha ya it is
damn everyone marrying man
is something wrong with them or us?
Dennis: today is steve's Paani, wish i could go, but my next door neighbours wedding today. so gotta go there
something is wrong with us i'm thinking. Earlier i thought something is wrong with them
me: :)
yeah man
Dennis: but all of them cant be wrong. a more possible explanation is 2 of us are wrong
me: agree so weird
we becoming middle aged
and u have flabs too!!!
Dennis: yes.
sad sad.
me: :D
duude why have u stopped blogging?
Dennis: arrey i've written more than u
i wrote on my last trip down
me: oh yeah true B-)
Dennis: offshore everything is blocked
me: i have stuff that i wanna write abt but too lazy man
Dennis: yesterday was adrians wedding
u remember adrian.. Logs OC before me
me: adrian!!!
yeah yeah
duude this is an epidemic!!!
Dennis: yes it is
this is far more lethal than H1N1 or any of that crap. Atleast that, u wear a mask and ur realtively safe
me: and the bloddy rubber has a 3% failure percentage
Dennis: one of my pals announced engagement a few months ago. Within a week.... almost like it was a race, another pal announced marriage date only !
me: hahahaahahahahahahahaah
Dennis: its a competition
me: hahahaha
fuck dude i think i'm gonna put this conversation on the blog!!!
Dennis: i once met them both and went for a drink.... and i was mindfucked. thruout the drinking session they were discussing what Photographer they are using and fuckin COlor theme and fuckin how lavender is sooo cool !
me: lavendar and mauve...dont exist man!!!
its pink and light purple!!!
Dennis: yes yes Mr arty farty fucker. it exists for us Aam Janta
me: duude i am not being arty...lavendar?!?!?
Dennis: next ull tell me the photoshop color code from the palette......#221453
Dennis: ahahahhaha
me: lol
ohhh fuckk duude i've laughed too much...i'm gonna cry for sure today...ppl in ofc have joined in and started giggling looking at me
Dennis: good men
but i heard laughing makes u fat
so take care of ur abs
me: what shit lol
the six pack flabs as u once said
Dennis: yeah, there is a saying " laugh laugh and become fat... "
me: hahahahaahahah
what arbitrary shit dude
Dennis: arrey
lemme google
me: sounds like a 'confucius says...laugh laugh and become fat!!!'
me: hahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah
Dennis: i told u !
me: hoahahaohahahaaoaoh
Dennis: ahahahaaa
me: and check the comments they are hilarious


hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SealedI don't wanna grow fat


So don't get laugh Laughing

Dennis: aaaaaaaaaaahahhaa
me: hahahaahahahahahahaahahaha
duude this one is classic
desi called devindER pal

'Dear NabilaSh,

Hi again,

By laughing we become healthier but not faty.

When we laugh deeply,

the whole carbondioxide of our lungs is ehauled & is replaced with oxygen, our whole body gets rejuvinated.

Another phenomina happens that we come in 'this moment'. means thinkingless & it is great celebration in itself.


Dennis: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaahahaa
me: hahahahaha
Dennis: fuckin indian scientist. got all scientific and all
Carbon dioxide !!!
wtf !
carbio dioxide is exhauled !!!!

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Chat Register 3

shauncoutinho: 2 GB is the single player version...
we want multiplayer!
me: yaaa
shauncoutinho: so we can KHILL u
kheeeeel uuuu
me: so we can killl alllllllllllllllllll
shauncoutinho: and kill some xerox machines also
me: eh why i like xerox machines
i'll settle for some typewriters tho
shauncoutinho: so the keys can fly out and spell something
me: and, i say, let them spell DHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
oh but dont they have only one 'E'
shauncoutinho: there arent' so many eee
me: ah knew there was a problem
shauncoutinho: no problem, we'll blow up a bunch of typewriters!
me: ah, Jeeves, u scinitillate today, what a brainwave...for brains you up there among the best
shauncoutinho: thank u sir
(i kno)
or respectful cough?
me: like the distant bleeting of a diffident sheep on a mountain top!
shauncoutinho: baaaaah
me: but now to follow one of ur sayings, u put it so well i say, if 'twere done, it twere well done if it 'twere don quickly
there is a tide in the affairs of men, which when taken at the flood leads to good fortune
shauncoutinho: our fortune being the **** book?
me: lets serve a noll prosequi to work and test intra office network

me: so are we testing LAN
shauncoutinho: are we?
me: i think we should keep a regular tab
shauncoutinho: we can transfer files too and fro
me: ah...rem acu tetigisti...u've put your finger on the nub of the problem again
lets start
shauncoutinho: ok you copy files to the **** folder on my comp
and then i'll copy them back
me: eh?
shauncoutinho: lemony plan eh?
me: there seems to be a miscommunication somewhere
shauncoutinho: networks not workin as it should?
me: i think we need to choose teams
shauncoutinho: im on ur side, we'll fight isaax together
isaax has a better ring to it
than *****
me: yes now we've hit the nail on the head
shauncoutinho: nail to the heart
me: hmmm...maybe we petition his parents if he has any
and ask him to do the required changes to their product file
shauncoutinho: they probably want to be rid of him too
we'll be doin them a favour
me: ah...what better way to do that than rename him isaax and refuse to recognise him after
shauncoutinho: like the son they always had but wish they had a daughter in stead
yes all legal documentation shall be rendered invalid after that
me: only this daughter has a fungal growth on the upper lip
shauncoutinho: and sparse growth on the cheeks
me: i'm telling u he might have been interchanged as a kid by a wicked gypsy for a duck and he's been like that ever since

me: dudde **** is THIRTY bloody Five GBeee
shauncoutinho: thirty five ebbegeebees worth 3 rupees each
me: ah thats only 105 rupees shaun
shauncoutinho: worth rs 3 per MB
me: ah more like it...
shauncoutinho: lets tell him that
we're charging you ONLY rs 3 per MB

Chat Register 1

shauncoutinho: the eagle is in the cage
me: eh?what what what what what
shauncoutinho: the rabbit is in thebag
the kangaroo is in the pouch
me: the what is in the what? are you alright my dear seem to be weirdly drifting back to your animal roots.

I say STOP! Stick around, life's bound to get better if not worse. Anyway why go thru life looking like an overdone beef chop...take it with a pinch of salt i is not get out of it alive anyway...
shauncoutinho: fine, if you want me to spell it out for you (numbskull) the CD is in the TRAYme: weirdly interest that the CD i might or might not have given you 5 min ago...i am not confessign to anything until i get more information before you accuse my dear lemon of being numb

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Hydrophobics Poem - The waters chased him as he fled, by Emily Dickinson (*

The waters chased him as he fled,
Not daring look behind --
A billow whispered in his Ear,
"Come home with me, my friend --
My parlor is of shriven glass,
My pantry has a fish
For every palate in the Year" --
To this revolting bliss
The object floating at his side
Made no distinct reply

-Emily Dickinson (courtesy

Monday, August 10, 2009

Bombay: Rickshaws

Whoa...back again. I remember writing once before that its been a long time since I blogged. I'll say it once again. This time though the absence has been more than a year long (thankfully for the audiences. I can faintly hear the sighs and 'oh god! he is back' rising from the back of the hall, especially those dimly lit parts where one cant make out who is sitting next to you but one can definitely make out! AHEM now to get back to what I was saying...). I had forgotten how much fun blogging can be. Or for that matter how very cathartic, if cathartic is the word I am looking for. But the point is that if one is blogging, one definitely better have something to say. One cannot just blabber away, hit keys at random and generally create a nuisance.

So let me tell you about one old creed of Bombayites. They are normally called Rickshaw-wallas, but sometimes also 'bhaiyas' and other more opprobrious names.They tend to come in as many variations as there are rickshaws on our super highways. Each three wheeled contraption is supplied by a unique driver. Their uniqueness manifests in different forms. Its easier on the customer but dangerous for the traffic when the manifestation is physical in respect to their vehicles. Mostly this is seen at the back, just above the flimsy crash bumper (which actually is a strip of metal held on to the rick by a liberal application of glue). They are normally awesome vector arts of hindi film actors or actresses. Andy Warhol would definitely get an inferiority complex. This art, if I might call it that, reached the zenith, when one had a complete vector art set of all the characters of Sholay pasted all over the rick. Gabbar Singh would have been proud!

Besides this visual exuberance, one has to keep in mind, what Jeeves would call 'the psychology of the individual'. And you are bound to come across psychotic behaviour before long. Ranging from drunk ramblings to rickshaw seat shrinks to meter-pinging philosophers to road-rash romeos to...well I don't think there is a need to make a production number of it. I am confident that you get what is called the gist. P.G.Wodehouse would have found rickshaws to be an inexhaustible source of humour.

Rickshaws, like all historic inventions, have given rise to situations which would not have existed but for them. Getting a rickshaw to take you to your destination is an art one learns, or rather has to learn in Bombay. The following few true life instances should explain:

engaging of the mighty rickshaws -

true life instance No.1
khar chaloge?(dear sir would you be kind enough to take me to Khar...please??)
Rick 1: [bewildered expression] khar?(khar?!?)
me: ha khar (yes sir. you said it. Khar it is)
Rick 1: [ruminates...masticates...] Khar mein kaha janeka? (where in Khar do you wanna go?)
me: Khar west...S.V.Road
Rick 1: [frown on face] S.V.Road??? (is it in bombay????)
me: haan S.V.Road. (yes sir!!! you are scintillating today. correct...S. bloody V.Road)
Rick 1: highway se nikalneka? (do you want me to take the highway?)
me: nahin...linking road se (no sir. I would be infinitely obliged to you if you would kindly take the linking road)
Rick 1: time kya hua? (what is the time?)
me: [bewildered expression] eh? 12.30!
Rick 1: night charge lagega (will have to charge you the night charge)
me: abey din ka 12.30 baja...(Ha crack me up...its 12.30 in the afternoon)
Rick 1: nahin...nahin janeka (bugger off...I shall not be moved from my resting place)
me: toh itna lamba interview kyon liya???
Rick 1: #^^@^#
me: $&@#&)@#&@#@#*%**&^^*(&(&)&()*()*)*)*(*)

true life instance No.2
Rick 2:
kahan janeka saab? (where do you want to go sir?)
me: kahin nahin...road cross karneka hai (nowhere...I want to cross the road)
Rick 2: achcha...chalo baitho (oh ok...sit, i'll drop you)
me: abey yeda ho gaya hai kya? (have you lost your senses???)
Rick 2: arrey saab sabere se bhada nahin mila...aadha bhada de dena (sir, havent done any business since need pay only half the fare)
BEST Bus driver: ayyy umitabh bachpan...kya re hema malini baithi kya andar???rickshaaa lene ka toh le nahin to nikal... (dear sir, you are holding up traffic. Please hire the rickshaw if you need to or let it pass so we may be on our way and everyone is happy as ever)
me: oi kishore kumar...awaaj band yeda mereko road cross karne nahin de ra...tereko jaane ka to jaa iske upar se...(ah! I apologise for the inconvenience my dear public servant. I shall correct it as soon as I can.)
BEST Bus conductor: abey hero chal nikal nahin to bus chadata main (oh very good sir! we shall await developments. hope they are conducive for us to resume our onward journey)
me: abey Rajnikanth...ghanti baja (very good. I shall do the needful old pal)
BB conductor: chya-aila, rajnikant kisko bola re...ghe re yala...(kill the bourgeous...long live socialism...atleast long live mob justice....)
me: ackkkk!!! huff pufff hufff {to myself: run forest!!!!}

Note: Some parts of the above reminiscences might be a tad polluted / fabricated, owing to a lengthy passage of time between the time of occurrence and that of publishing. Any loss of information in translation is entirely due to the literary shortcomings of the chronicler.